24: The Jack Bauer Chronicles (Episode 6)

24-muse

Season 8, Episode 6

Previously on 24…

(Inside the Greek Boeing)

Pilot: We are about to take off from LAX, heading to Greece…

Jack Bauer: My direct flight to hell has begun…

Anaximandros: Hi! My name is Anaximandros and as you can clearly see, I am your adjacent passenger.

Moufa (Male Old Unattractive Flight-Attendant): Lunch time!

Jack Bauer: I‘ll go with diarrhea then…

Jack’s evil thoughts: Hahaha! This one will buy me a ticket to the restrooms, away from this loony.

Anaximandros: You won’t leave the bathroom before landing… But, don’t you worry! I’ll keep you company till then…

Jack Bauer: NOOOOOOOO!

————————————————————————————

Kiefer Sutherland: The following, takes place during “Jack’s nervous breakdown pm”

(Outside Jack’s crappy bathroom…)

Anaximandros: Jack, have I ever talked to you about my first girlfriend? It’s a lovely story actually! It goes back to the beginning of the 80’s, when I was a teen. Do you remember the 80’s buddy? What I silly question… Of course you do! You are like what? 50? 55? You would already be an adult, by then. Ahhh… These were the times dude! I had this stinky long hair I barely washed, which was covering the enormous headphones of my classy walkman. And I couldn’t go anywhere without it. God, I loved my walkman! That, and my Rubik’s cube. Oh, my precious little cube! We‘ve done so many things together… By the way, have I bragged to you about being a Rubik’s cube world champion? Well, I should! I mean, I held the word record for more than a decade! Yeah! 17.02 seconds! But things have changed since then my friend, you know? Especially when Japanese got involved. You can’t mess with those whackos, Jack! Nobody can! They hold records in all categories possible: 5 attempts, blindfolded, one hand… They even invented a new category: “feet only”. Chang Jee-Hoon is the current champion with 36.94 seconds. Can you believe that? Well, neither could I, but it’s true. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the 80’s! Everything was so artistic back then. Even the movies. Especially the movies! Do you remember John McLane from “Die Hard”? What a movie! Or the “Scarface”… Do you remember the “Scarface”, Jack? By the way, did you know that in this movie, they used the f**k-word 207 times? I mean that’s a lot of…

Jack Bauer’s voice (from inside the restroom): SHUT THE F**K UP!

Anaximandros: Yeah! Exactly like this, but 207 times! Can you imagine that? Anyway, I should really tell you the story about my first girlfriend. It’s hilarious! So, here is what happened: We used to go in the same school where…

(Inside Jack’s crampy bathroom)

Jack Bauer: Ok, that’s it! I’m out of here!

Jack’s large intestine : No you’re not!

Jack Bauer: Damn it!

(A couple of hours later…)

Jack Bauer: So, what’s the deal pal? Are you done with you ‘job’, down there or what? I’m sick of waiting! And I can’t afford listening to him, another minute! C’mon you filthy organ… HURRY UP!

Jack’s large intestine: Hey! What was this? Did you just yell at me? How dare you yelling at me? I am working my ass off to… Wait a second… This didn’t sound right, did it?

Jack Bauer: Not really… Technically you are working my ass off…

Jack’s large intestine: Makes sense…

Jack Bauer: You see, it’s the fact that you work for me that makes the whole difference…

Jack’s large intestine: Yeah… You’re making a good point…

Jack Bauer: I know, I am Jack Bauer… Why don’t you try something different?

Jack’s large intestine: Like what?

Jack Bauer: Hmmmm… Why don’t you try something more realistic…

Jack’s large intestine: Ok! How dare you yelling at me Jack? I am working overtime to clean up your mess… How was that?

Jack Bauer: Well, somewhat better, but “clean up my mess”? Doesn’t it sound like an oxymoron to you?

Jack’s large intestine: I guess you’re right again…

Jack Bauer: I know, I am Jack Bauer… Don’t worry though, nobody’s perfect buddy. Nobody’s perfect but me…

Jack’s large intestine: Maybe, but I haven’t given up hope… I mean…

Duncan: ENOUGH! Let the plot roll already!

Jack’s large intestine: Fine… How dare you yelling at me Jack Bauer? I am working overtime to cast all this bulls**t out of your body and you treat me like crap! Do you see the irony Jack? Do you? That’s it! From now on, I demand respect and politeness on your behalf. Otherwise, I’ll never work for you again! Hear me? Never!

Jack Bauer: Hahaha! Yeah, right… You forget one thing though: I am Jack Bauer! And nobody can blackmail Jack Bauer. Not even you… Not even me… You know what I think about you, intestine? I think you’re full of crap!

Jack’s large intestine: Don’t go there Jack… One week without work and we’ll see who’s gonna be full of crap then…

Jack Bauer: Fair enough… I’ll give it a shot, but I cannot make any promises. Are you done now?

Jack’s large intestine: Just one more second…

(Deleted disgusting scene)

Jack’s large intestine: Ok, I finished.

Jack Bauer: It was about time…

Jack’s large intestine: So, how do you plan to escape from here? I mean, you obviously can’t use the bathroom door because of Anaximandros, and this place has only paper and soap…

Jack Bauer: Works for me…

Bathroom’s ceiling: NOOOOOOOOO!

to be continued…

1053619094_nishedjack

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2 Σχόλια

  1. dunno said,

    Ιανουαρίου 29, 2009 στις 3:25 πμ

    πολύ χαίρομαι που τα επεισόδια μεγαλώνουν.άντε και σε 45-λεπτα σενάρια σου εύχομαι.

  2. Duncan said,

    Ιανουαρίου 29, 2009 στις 5:24 μμ

    Χαχαχα… Thanks!


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