Betrayal

the face of despair

You fire away, with license to kill

You’d do it for fun; you’d do it for the thrill

You’re not gonna stop, or maybe just chill

It’s not how it works, not a part of the deal

.

Your name is Hope, I call you Excuse

I see you as a foe, but they see you as a Muse

Your air is toxic, but they need you to breathe

Don’t care for your gifts; I just want you to leave

.

You look for new victims, in those who kneel

In a death of a child, and a convict’s last meal

You are totally fake, even though you look real

You can’t hurt ‘em all, some of us will heal

.

Our final breath, which you take away

Just another small piece, for you to display

But you won’t satisfy, your voracious hunger

Our in vain resistance, it ‘ll just feed your anger

.

You are only a promise that you can never keep

You don’t care about us; it’s our lives that you seek

You are nothing but banes and cuts that go deep

A beautiful lie, that sends us to sleep

.

Your name is Hope, I call you Excuse

I see you as a foe, but they see you as a Muse

Your air is toxic, but they need you to breathe

Don’t care for your gifts; I just want you to leave

.

I wrote these lines inspired by Anush’s and Jacob’s beautiful music. I later sent this poem to a competition and I received the Kurnitz award. And for that, I am grateful to both!

Duncan

Next

24: The Jack Bauer Chronicles (Episode 6)

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Season 8, Episode 6

Previously on 24…

(Inside the Greek Boeing)

Pilot: We are about to take off from LAX, heading to Greece…

Jack Bauer: My direct flight to hell has begun…

Anaximandros: Hi! My name is Anaximandros and as you can clearly see, I am your adjacent passenger.

Moufa (Male Old Unattractive Flight-Attendant): Lunch time!

Jack Bauer: I‘ll go with diarrhea then…

Jack’s evil thoughts: Hahaha! This one will buy me a ticket to the restrooms, away from this loony.

Anaximandros: You won’t leave the bathroom before landing… But, don’t you worry! I’ll keep you company till then…

Jack Bauer: NOOOOOOOO!

————————————————————————————

Kiefer Sutherland: The following, takes place during “Jack’s nervous breakdown pm”

(Outside Jack’s crappy bathroom…)

Anaximandros: Jack, have I ever talked to you about my first girlfriend? It’s a lovely story actually! It goes back to the beginning of the 80’s, when I was a teen. Do you remember the 80’s buddy? What I silly question… Of course you do! You are like what? 50? 55? You would already be an adult, by then. Ahhh… These were the times dude! I had this stinky long hair I barely washed, which was covering the enormous headphones of my classy walkman. And I couldn’t go anywhere without it. God, I loved my walkman! That, and my Rubik’s cube. Oh, my precious little cube! We‘ve done so many things together… By the way, have I bragged to you about being a Rubik’s cube world champion? Well, I should! I mean, I held the word record for more than a decade! Yeah! 17.02 seconds! But things have changed since then my friend, you know? Especially when Japanese got involved. You can’t mess with those whackos, Jack! Nobody can! They hold records in all categories possible: 5 attempts, blindfolded, one hand… They even invented a new category: “feet only”. Chang Jee-Hoon is the current champion with 36.94 seconds. Can you believe that? Well, neither could I, but it’s true. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the 80’s! Everything was so artistic back then. Even the movies. Especially the movies! Do you remember John McLane from “Die Hard”? What a movie! Or the “Scarface”… Do you remember the “Scarface”, Jack? By the way, did you know that in this movie, they used the f**k-word 207 times? I mean that’s a lot of…

Jack Bauer’s voice (from inside the restroom): SHUT THE F**K UP!

Anaximandros: Yeah! Exactly like this, but 207 times! Can you imagine that? Anyway, I should really tell you the story about my first girlfriend. It’s hilarious! So, here is what happened: We used to go in the same school where…

(Inside Jack’s crampy bathroom)

Jack Bauer: Ok, that’s it! I’m out of here!

Jack’s large intestine : No you’re not!

Jack Bauer: Damn it!

(A couple of hours later…)

Jack Bauer: So, what’s the deal pal? Are you done with you ‘job’, down there or what? I’m sick of waiting! And I can’t afford listening to him, another minute! C’mon you filthy organ… HURRY UP!

Jack’s large intestine: Hey! What was this? Did you just yell at me? How dare you yelling at me? I am working my ass off to… Wait a second… This didn’t sound right, did it?

Jack Bauer: Not really… Technically you are working my ass off…

Jack’s large intestine: Makes sense…

Jack Bauer: You see, it’s the fact that you work for me that makes the whole difference…

Jack’s large intestine: Yeah… You’re making a good point…

Jack Bauer: I know, I am Jack Bauer… Why don’t you try something different?

Jack’s large intestine: Like what?

Jack Bauer: Hmmmm… Why don’t you try something more realistic…

Jack’s large intestine: Ok! How dare you yelling at me Jack? I am working overtime to clean up your mess… How was that?

Jack Bauer: Well, somewhat better, but “clean up my mess”? Doesn’t it sound like an oxymoron to you?

Jack’s large intestine: I guess you’re right again…

Jack Bauer: I know, I am Jack Bauer… Don’t worry though, nobody’s perfect buddy. Nobody’s perfect but me…

Jack’s large intestine: Maybe, but I haven’t given up hope… I mean…

Duncan: ENOUGH! Let the plot roll already!

Jack’s large intestine: Fine… How dare you yelling at me Jack Bauer? I am working overtime to cast all this bulls**t out of your body and you treat me like crap! Do you see the irony Jack? Do you? That’s it! From now on, I demand respect and politeness on your behalf. Otherwise, I’ll never work for you again! Hear me? Never!

Jack Bauer: Hahaha! Yeah, right… You forget one thing though: I am Jack Bauer! And nobody can blackmail Jack Bauer. Not even you… Not even me… You know what I think about you, intestine? I think you’re full of crap!

Jack’s large intestine: Don’t go there Jack… One week without work and we’ll see who’s gonna be full of crap then…

Jack Bauer: Fair enough… I’ll give it a shot, but I cannot make any promises. Are you done now?

Jack’s large intestine: Just one more second…

(Deleted disgusting scene)

Jack’s large intestine: Ok, I finished.

Jack Bauer: It was about time…

Jack’s large intestine: So, how do you plan to escape from here? I mean, you obviously can’t use the bathroom door because of Anaximandros, and this place has only paper and soap…

Jack Bauer: Works for me…

Bathroom’s ceiling: NOOOOOOOOO!

to be continued…

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24: The Jack Bauer Chronicles (Episode 5)

jackbauer2

Season 8, Episode 5

Previously on 24…

Bill Buchanan: Jack’s on fire these days.

Uvapara: Actually, it’s not he, who’s on fire…

Bill Buchanan: What happened?

Uvapara: …he infused the air with his own smelly gas…

Bill Buchanan: And where is he now?

Uvapara: He took himself into custody for jeopardizing the mission.

Jack Bauer: Ok! Attention on me now! I am back…

Bill Buchanan: I am sorry Jack, but I have to do my job.

Jack Bauer: Hit it Bill. You know there is nothing I can’t take.

Bill Buchanan: Jack you are being expelled to Greece!

————————————————————————————

Kiefer Sutherland: The following, takes place betw…

Duncan: Hold on Kiefer! This one is the “Olympic Airways” episode!

Kiefer Sutherland: The what?

Duncan: You know… The one with the Greek Airlines… Which takes place inside the Greek Boeing… The one which is responsible for Jack’s safe flight to Greece… (Big fake laughs)

Kiefer Sutherland: Oh! You mean the guys who never depart or arrive on time?

Duncan: Exactly!

Kiefer Sutherland: Gotcha! Don’t worry though, I think I‘ve got it under control…

Duncan: Glad to hear that…

————————————————————————————

Kiefer Sutherland: The following, takes place somewhere in the timespace…

Inside Jack’s brand old Greek plane…

Pilot: We are about to take off from LAX. The weather is blah blah blah. Please, fasten your blah blah blah. Well, you know the rest. Oh! I almost forgot! We will be in Greece in about… Well… Who am I kidding? I don’t have a clue when. You can place your bets about our arrival, on our old and unattractive, male flight-attendants. If you have any further questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. We will ignore you anyway… Have a wonderful flight, and thanks for making the same mistake and flying with us again!

Jack Bauer: Great! My direct flight to hell has begun… Wait a minute! What am I doing? No! No! They won’t break me. I need to focus. I can do this. I’m Jack Bauer! Yes! That’s it… I just need to take a deep breath. I also need to see the bright side here: It can’t get any worse than that!

Anaximandros: Hi! My name is Anaximandros and as you can clearly see, I am your adjacent passenger. And since it’s highly unlikely you’ll ever see me again, it’s a great opportunity to start acting like a major pain in the ass, by opening my heart to you and talking ceaselessly about my problems for the entire flight!

Jack Bauer: Oh c’mon!

(After several hours)

Anaximandros: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, bitch, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, crazy bitch, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, bitch’s sister, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, bitch (the sister not the crazy one)…

Jack Bauer: I will never say “It can’t get any worse”, again. I will never say “It can’t get any worse”, again. I will never say “It can’t get any worse”, again. I will never say “It can’t get any worse”, again…

Moufa (Male Old Unattractive Flight-Attendant): Lunch time!

Jack Bauer: About time…

Moufa: Do you prefer the chicken or the beef, sir?

Jack Bauer: Don’t know… Which one is better?

Moufa: They both suck, sir! Chicken will give you dysentery, and the beef diarrhea…

Jack Bauer: I‘ll go with the diarrhea then…

Jack’s evil thoughts: Hahaha! This one will buy me a ticket to the restrooms, away from this loony. A ticket to freedom! In your face, Greek wacko… Jack you‘re a genius!

Jack’s other thoughts: I know…

Moufa: What about you, sir?

Anaximandros: I’m having what he’s having…

Moufa: Certainly, sir…

(A couple of nanoseconds later…)

Jack’s evil thoughts: My evil plan is working… WTF did they put in that beef, anyway?

Jack Bauer: Excuse me Anaximandros, but you have to get up. I need to go to the restroom…

Anaximandros: But… You are sitting by the aisle!

Jack Bauer: I know. You hear that WRITER? By the aisle! Someone would expect that the great Jack Bauer would sit by the window. But no! I have to sit by the aisle!

(After some more grouching, he finally went to the restroom, where several minutes later…)

Sound effects: Knock Knock!

Jack Bauer: Occupied!

Anaximandros: Hey Jack, it’s me! Diarrhea is a bitch bro. Believe me, I know! Been there… In fact, I‘ve taken this plane so many times, that I am already immune to it. I’m tellin’ you… You won’t leave the bathroom before landing… But, don’t you worry! I’ll keep you company till then…

Jack Bauer: NOOOOOOOO!

to be continued…

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24: The Jack Bauer Chronicles (Episode 4)

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(Previously…)

Season 8, Episode 4

Very previously on 24…

Jack Bauer: Ca… Can’t… Talk… it’s… Ki… lling me…

Chloe: JACK! Don’t give up now! You can do this Jack. Just tell me what is it like…

Jack Bauer: Smells… Li… Like… Pe… pepe… roni…

Chloe: Peperoni! Got it… I am gonna run a database search, using a quantized algorithm, in order to find the cause of this toxic smell…

Jack Bauer: Hu…Hu… rry…

Chloe: Our flawless analysis indicates that the source of the smell is 100% natural… This means that… I don’t really know how to express this… So, let me ask you this way: Who cut the cheese Jack?

Jack Bauer: Must… have… been… me…

Chloe: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Jack Bauer: Gotta… take… my… self… into… custody… I… jeopardized… mission…

————————————————————————————

Kiefer Sutherland: The following takes place between «before the dawn of time pm» and «after the dawn of time pm»

Back in CTU

Untalented Vietnamese Actor Playing A Random Agent (Uvapara): Yo Bill, do you have a sec?

Bill Buchanan: Not right now, I am talking to this fake phone. I want to seem busy…

Uvapara: This is an emergency dog!

Bill Buchanan: (Still talking on the phone…) Ok Mr. President! We know that you are incompetent and that you can’t solve the case without us. Don’t worry! We won’t let you down. Jack’s on fire these days. (…and he hangs up)

Uvapara: Actually, it’s not him who’s on fire…

Bill Buchanan: What do you mean Uvapara?

Uvapara: I’ m tellin’ you dude… He should quit on that junk food he’s been eating lately. His ass can sing our national anthem, nowadays.

Bill Buchanan: What happened?

Uvapara: What do you thing it happened? He messed up again, because we are still at the beginning of the season. It’s way toο early to complete the mission.

Bill Buchanan: Don’t be too abstract Uvapara, I need details.

Uvapara: OK! You asked for it: While he was about to capture Ahmed the Dead Terrorist he infused the air with his own smelly gas. And this is great Jack’s farting we are talking about. Not even he can take it. So he…

Bill Buchanan: Ok ok stop it! I get the picture… And where is he now?

Uvapara: He took himself into custody for jeopardizing the mission. As a matter of fact, he’s on his way to CTU right now.

Bill Buchanan: This is so Jack Bauer! But if you ask me, I think that Jack is a jack for arresting himself. Of course, nobody gives a s**t on what I think. In this office, the «chain of command» was always super-loose. Anyway, what’s his ETA?

Uvapara: C’mon Bill. We both know that there is no such thing as an ETA. He will conveniently appear when our chat ends. And when it does, he will probably enter the scene, interrupting my last sentence in order to make it look more realist…

Jack Bauer: Ok! Attention on me now! I am back…

Chloe: Jack you are back! Look at me! I am happy but nobody can really tell because I am a terrible actress and I can only make one face… (this one —-> :-I)

24chloe400

Jack Bauer: Chloe, Bill, Random Guy, I failed you all…

Chloe: No Jack! Don’t say that! You would nev… Oh my God! What’s that smell?

Jack Bauer: I know…

Bill Buchanan: (holding his nose) Hi Jack! Even though this is like the 5th time you come handcuffed in CTU, I still have to give you the cheesy line: «I am sorry Jack, but I have to do my job»

Jack Bauer: I understand. I always do…

Bill Buchanan: I am sorry Jack, but I have to do my job.

Jack Bauer: No worries Bill. Do what you have to do…

Bill Buchanan: I will be honest with you Jack. In your condition you are a threat to everybody: CTU, the mission, Audrey, yourself and almost to Ahmed the Dead Terrorist. For the latter, we could use you as a weapon but I am afraid you will kill us all, before you even get close to him. So, I guess you leave me no choice…

Jack Bauer: Hit it Bill. You know there is nothing I can’t take.

Bill Buchanan: Save your words my old friend. This one is bad. Really bad! There is only one place in the world as cocky and as chaotic as you. Only one place where people fart more than you do. Only one place with more crazy motherf****rs than you could ever dream of. And this is exactly where you going. Jack you are being expelled to Greece!

Jack Bauer: WHAT? NOOOOOOOOO!

to be continued…


24: The Jack Bauer Chronicles (Episode 3)

jack-bauer-kill-counter-316

(Previously…)

Season 8, Episode 3

Duncan: With all the traffic in LA, Jack needed the entire episode 3 to come back to CTU. So, Brad decided to skip that one in order to save some money… I know what you are thinking guys: «Even Hollywood can be cheap». I so hear you right now, but what can we do?

Random reader: I actually think that you skipped this one, because you are running out of ideas!

Duncan: I am what? Ok then… JACK!

Jack Bauer: Over here… Cleaning my gun… What’s wrong? You should better have a good excuse for this disturbance…

Duncan: I ‘ll be brief. Random reader = bad guy.

Jack Bauer: You mean the «dead random reader»

Dead random reader: NOOOOOOOO!

to be continued…

24: The Jack Bauer Chronicles (Episode 2)

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Season 8, Episode 2

Previously on 24…

Duncan: «Our beloved god-like and next-door-hero, Jack Bauer, is on his regular manhunt of the Arabs (they are simply too many of them). This time, he’s after Ahmed the Dead Terrorist whose killing jokes were proved a serious threat to humanity…»

Somewhere in the backstage, shortly after Ahmed’s act

Jack Bauer: Ahmed, you have to trust me and surrender! It’s not your fault that you were born a Muslim. Nobody’s perfect buddy…

Ahmed: Silence, I kill you…

Jack Bauer: Not if I kill you first!

Ahmed: I am already dead you moron!

Jack Bauer: Damn it!

Jack’s dialling his phone…

Jack Bauer: Chloe, we ‘re gonna need a plan b…

————————————————————————————

Kiefer Sutherland: The following takes place between «not important pm» and «still not important pm»

Backstage area…

Jack Bauer: Have you got anything yet, Chloe?

Chloe (from CTU): I am working on it Jack…

Jack Bauer: C’ mon Chloe, we are running outta time. Why don’t you give me something, already? You are CTU’s best computer programmer!

Chloe: Are you kidding me? For 8 seasons now, I am just pushing random buttons and mumbling unexisting computer-science terms, waiting for the camera to get off of me!

Jack Bauer: What???

Chloe: C’mon Jack! Gimme a break! I mean, you have survived three nuclear strikes, you came back from the dead twice, you have recovered from at least a dozen gunshot wounds, you are 45 and you run like a 20-year-old boy and you still go to the missions without a helmet and a bullet-proof vest! So, lose the surprised look, already!

Jack Bauer: Whatever dude…

Chloe: I AM NOT A DUDE! Although, I have to admit that I look like one… Oh! Wait a sec! I think that the writer came up with a last minute back up plan! I am sending it to your PDA asap.

Jack Bauer: It was about ti… Damn it! (he means «Holy crap», but cursing is not allowed in prime time television) What is this smell? Oh my God! I can’t breath! I think the Arabs are trying to poison me. Damn you Ahmed!

Chloe: What smell Jack? I don’t see anything in the satellite! I am afraid that you will have to describe the smell, if you want me to help you.

Jack Bauer: Ca… Can’t… Talk… it’s… Ki… lling me…

Chloe: JACK! Don’t give up now! You can do this Jack. Just tell me what is it like…

Jack Bauer: Smells… Li… Like… Pe… pepe… roni…

Chloe: Peperoni! Got it… I am gonna run a database search, using a quantized algorithm, in order to find the cause of this toxic smell…

Jack Bauer: Hu…Hu… rry…

Chloe: Don’t be such a baby! We both know that you will survive in the end!

Jack Bauer: I know. I am just trying to be a little melodramatic here. I mean, after 8 years of returning the series you have to do everything in order to keep your audience interested. It’s tough to make a popular show these days. So… he… help… me… pl… please!

Chloe: I see… Oh! Wait a minute! I think I came up with something. Omg! You ‘re not gonna like this!

Jack Bauer: What… is… it…?

Chloe: Our flawless analysis indicates that the source of the smell is 100% natural… This means that… I don’t really know how to express this… So, let me ask you this way: Who cut the cheese Jack?

Jack Bauer: Damn… it… !…

Chloe: Jack?

Jack Bauer: Must… have… been… me…

Chloe: What? It can’t be. There must be some other reasonable explanation!

Jack Bauer: No… Chloe… I… am… only… person… in… room…

Chloe: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Jack Bauer: Gotta… take… my… self… into… custody… I… jeopardized… mission…

Chloe: No Jack! You can’t do this! NO JACK! YOU CAN’T!

Jack Bauer: Watch… me…

to be continued…

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24: The Jack Bauer Chronicles (The unaired Episode 1)

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(Friendly notice: This one is just a filler episode. The real story starts at episode 2. So, for the sake of your mental health, you might as well skip the entire episode)

Season 8. Episode 1

Duncan: Due to unsolved reasons, FOX decided not to air this very first episode, of the best season, of the best TV series, of the best channel, of the best city, of the best state, of the best country in the world. But, don’t worry. There wasn’t really something new for you to see: The whole episode was about Ahmed the Dead Terrorist pissing Jack Bauer off, with some wet jokes of his. Or was it about Jack hating every single Arab in the world? Can’t really remember… Don’t matter though… You get the point:

(Short part from my illegal copy of the unaired Episode 1)

Jack Bauer: Must… Kill… Ahmed…

(End of the short part from my illegal copy of the unaired Episode 1)

Duncan: Rumour has it, that – after I got my illegal copy – the tape was confiscated and destroyed by Jack Bauer himself, because the make up artists, failed to make him look like he was 20 years younger. Needless to say, that the entire crew was fired, to be replaced by that of Benjamin Button’s.

Jack Bauer: What? That’s a terrible lie! How dare you Duncan? You son of a bitch! You are so dead right now…

Duncan: Cut the crap Jack. You can’t touch me. I’m the writer…

Jack Bauer: Just say your prayer you m**********r!

Duncan: Don’t mess with the writer Jack!

Jack Bauer: F*** Y**! Three… Two… One…

Duncan: Ok! You asked for it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

Jack Bauer: Hi everyone! My name is Minty Jackie Bauer and in my spare time, I like to seduce handsome boys with those prissy pink lacy panties of mine! Also, Chuck Norris beats me at knitting…

Jack Bauer’s thoughts: WTF? Nobody beats me at anything!

Duncan: As I said… Never, ever, ever, mess with the writer again, Jack…

Jack Bauer: Damn it!

Duncan: Where was I? Oh yeah… No episode for you folks tonight! Capiche?

Audience: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Chuck Norris: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

to be continued…